We are stressed. We stress the stress continually. But what is heartbreaking is that too many of us succumb to the stress.
These are mostly external forces that indeed affect us, but we can decide how and the extent to which they influence our lives. Those of us with children lash out that our children are falling behind in education. What are we saying to our children about this adversity? Do they hear anything besides that we think they are falling behind? The young folk continuously hear our put downs, so they come to believe that what their parents, guardians, the media is saying is true. They are being left behind and their futures may be less than stellar because of this year and a half of adverse conditions here in their country and in the world.
Parents and guardians are the most important factors in children’s lives. Under normal circumstances, teenagers think this is not the case, but what we say matters. At this critical juncture when we can see the light at the end of the tunnel of the pandemic, we need to reinforce the positive in our children. They need to hear about their strengths and potentials from us now so that they are built up to handle the challenges they will face when they return to the physical classroom and its academic demands as well as the social demands that will be made by their peers. We must tell them that they can succeed despite obstacles. Have we told them about Haben Girma, a lawyer, born deaf and blind, who has advocated for others all the way to the White House? She is a graduate of Harvard Law school. Maybe, it would motivate them to know that Oprah Winfrey, the first Black female billionaire, was born into poverty in rural Mississippi to a teenage single mother, or that Michael Jordan, the first billionaire athlete, was cut from the varsity basketball team in his sophomore year. Such biographical information tells them that hard times are inherent to life. Let us enable our children/teenagers to know that with a motivated mindset, they can succeed. They will grow in the process; we will, too.
View the inspiring biographies of young people on Universities.com. Here, you will also find resources for the first-generation college student.
Reflections
Jot down brief descriptions of your child/children/grandchildren/foster children or any children that are close to you.
Now go back and place the letter “P” beside every positive description and an “N” beside every negative description. Which is the longer listing?
Do you continuously say and show to the child/ teenager the positives or the negatives? (No one will see these answers unless you choose to share them; therefore, you are expected to be brutally honest with yourself if you find you need to change).
Try this: Every day in a good morning text, tell your child/children how you appreciate one good quality that they have or one good thing that they do. Be specific. Each child gets he/her own thank you even if it is in a single text (or it could be a morning note on the refrigerator).
To view and read:
An Academy Award nominated documentary to watch: Murderball
Girma, Haben. Haben: The Deafblind Woman Who Conquered Harvard Law. New York: Hachette Book Group, 2019.
Dorothy Watson Tatem, D.Min., ACC
Senior Associate
Next Step, LLC
Cassandra W. Jones, Ed.D.
CEO & President
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