During childhood, our mothers seemed to continually instruct us on when and how to behave. So constant were these instructions that we sometimes ignored them when mom was not around but executed the proper behaviors when she was present. Our mothers were teaching us behaviors that would positively influence our adult lives. As children, we thought of all the instruction as intrusions upon our fun. On this Mother’s Day weekend, let us note a few of the behaviors our mothers, our first mentors, insisted that we learn and how this learning affects our adult lives.
When we were in church or any other formal setting, our mothers briefed us about correct behavior. We were to be polite, attentive, and respectful of others (meaning adults). Because we were kids, we always found opportunities to play. Even during a worship service, we could find something to giggle about, play with or make up games to play just sitting in the pew. While we were playing, we also kept watch on whether mother was watching us. At some point in time, from across the room, we encountered a certain look from our mothers that said, “Stop playing. Don’t let me come over there.” We translated the look and assumed our best behavior because there we did not want her to leave the choir loft or stop her interactions with other adults to come and encourage us to behave. The lesson learned from such encounters with our mother was how to observe people, read the body language correctly, and deal with people favorably.
The daughters of former President Barak Obama and Michelle Obama had to make up their beds each morning though there was housekeeping staff available to take care of that chore. Michele Obama was insistent that the daughters do this because there was life after the White House. The maternal psyche dictated this chore to us each day. The made-bed gave order to the room even when it was filled with all manner of things scattered about. Any mess surrounding the neat bed was inconsequential (until Saturday when the whole room had to be cleaned). Our mothers were teaching us how to give order to the spaces we occupied. A desk, a computer, or whatever is central to our work is generally kept in order so that we can readily return to that space and continue to be productive. Michelle Obama noted that Malia and Natasha (Sasha), who share an apartment, had coasters for their parents to put their glasses on when they visited their daughters on the West Coast.
Our mothers taught us perseverance. Life can be tough and sometimes our desired response is to walk away from situations, to quit. A colleague and I were talking about mothers, and she shared that after high school she went away to continue her education and was a campus resident. The studies became quite difficult and so she called her mother to inform her that she was coming home. Her mother listened attentively to her distressed daughter who had made up her mind that the academic work was too demanding, too hard. With tears and moaning, the daughter poured out her frustrations and anxieties to her mother. Finally, the young woman repeated her first declaration, “Mom, I can’t do this! I’m coming home!” There was a second of silence. In a voice that brooked no debilitating sympathy or possibility of negotiation, her mother said, “Over my dead body!” The young woman not only finished that interval of work but over the years obtained a doctorate and is now a vice-president of a company. She leads others most effectively. In a decisive time of crisis, her mother gave her a lesson in perseverance.
Our mothers taught us many things in childhood and as young adults that have become assets in our adult lives. Often, we thought the behaviors, the tasks, and the demands were unnecessary and intruded upon our fun. Life and time have taught us that these teachings underpin our achievements, our triumphs, and the wonderful though imperfect persons we continue to become. Our mothers were our first and most devoted mentors.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Mentor the children While they are young and when they are older, they will not depart from it.
Dorothy Watson Tatem, D.Min., ACC
Senior Associate
Next Step Associates, LLC
Cassandra W. Jones, Ed.D.
CEO & President
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